6 months ago, I burnt out. Here's how I'm fixing it this time.

Hi!

On May 10th last year, I had officially become unemployed (for the first time) after working for almost five years. I wrote about it in another post, but I thought I’d expand on that decision which I have the luxury of looking back on and analysing.

After I returned my badge on my last day, I had this feeling of a weight off my chest. I didn’t have to think about what I needed to say the next day during my stand up, didn’t need to reply to messages, and even think about my career trajectory. Now that’s unusual for me, because I had lofty plans of learning as much as possible and getting promoted quickly. Now that I think about it, it was burnout.

It wasn’t just one thing

It felt like a perfect storm of different decisions, some under my control and some not. COVID brought in so many changes to how I worked. While some were better, many didn’t help with my overall wellbeing.

Let’s start with some positives - I could stay at home and take up more responsibilities in taking care of my child (Mimi). My wife was still recovering and had to join work after her maternity leave. She’s in a senior position in her team which meant she needed to be present in most meetings and talk. So in my kid’s regular routine at the time, I took up more responsibility. My schedule was a bit more flexible, so I’d make her food, feed her, play with her or take her for a walk and put her to sleep (at least when my wife was busy).

But this extra responsibility during the day meant I did not really have any separation between work and personal life. I’d try to work when Mimi was asleep or my in-laws / parents would look after her, but I was usually mentally drained by then. That last month or so, I remember just sitting on the couch and mindlessly watching something on the TV whenever I had any free time.

Work wasn’t good to me either. My manager was kind to provide me work that was independent and didn’t need me to be online all the time during working hours, but that only helped so much. I was assigned a project in a codebase I was unfamiliar with, so I had to talk to the SMEs who were in the US. They were busy themselves so I needed to stay up late in the night to get answers, or drop a message and pray I got the answer I needed otherwise I’d waste another day.

The company I worked for compounded my misery. They asked everybody to come back to office at least 3 days a week. My team worked out of another city, which meant I had to move out of a city where my wife had a stable job, my parents and in-laws live, and move to an unfamiliar place with a six-month old. I reached out to my manager for an exception, but company policy required me to get approval from my senior VP. Fat chance I’d get one.

To top it all off, I didn’t get a raise. The company stock had dipped and they didn’t refresh my compensation to make up for it. If they’d made me whole, I would’ve at least thought about sucking up and compromising. Now it was a no-brainer. If your employer doesn’t care about you, why should you?

I’m trying to fix my mistakes

An update - I’m employed again! I started work on Nov 20th, so I had about six months to recover and think about what I did wrong to avoid repeating them. Raising a kid is not a temporary event, and I’ll need to modify the way I work to accommodate that.

The main takeaway from my burnout learnings is to care a little less about work. It’s not my company and I don’t own a major stake in its success. The company won’t tank if I choose to work just 40 hours and not 70 hours like what certain founders would like. Things will be okay. This means I will switch off from work after my 8 hours. I don’t want to do crunch times anymore, so I’ll plan my estimates better to ensure I don’t have to work longer hours in a day. I have bought a personal laptop so that I don’t need to use my work laptop after work. I don’t have any work-related apps on my personal phone.

Committing to work for a maximum of 40 hours means I need to plan my time better. I have a space at home which I use only for work, and don’t keep any personal stuff there. I am focusing on work during this time, and not taking up other things. My wife and I have realised that we can’t do it all alone, so we’ve brought help. We have a cook now who prepares lunch and dinner, and a maid who helps with other household chores. Our parents stay over frequently to help with taking care of Mimi.

My wife and I have chosen to focus on our health. We tested out Vitamin D levels and we’re way below the recommended minimum. We’re now going out frequently to get some sun, even if it’s just for 15-20 minutes. I’ve started running to get some fitness. My wife quit her job (yet another update!) to focus on her health. Her schedule had become so packed that she’d skip meals to attend meetings. We’ve now enrolled ourselves at a gym and working on getting fit.

I have also cut myself some slack during my personal time. I am trying to not pack my schedule after work to get some time to relax. I’ve given myself permission to go slow on stuff that’s not an immediate priority like side projects.

Wrapping up

If you’re in a job where you feel like you’re burning out, consider changing the way you work or look for a new job with a better work experience. Your future self will thank you for it.

These things need work to maintain, and I’m trying hard to not fall back into my previous routine that got me here. What’s the use of analysing all this and then going back to square one? Thankfully I have a caring wife who does not hesitate to call me out when I’m wavering on this. And I don’t like being called out. That’s my motivation I guess.

Until next time!